| Four Simple Tips for the Alzheimer Care Givers |
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Caring for persons with dementia or Alzheimer's can be emotionally draining and isolating, so incorporating some practical tips can be helpful. Most information on care giving and Alzheimer's deals with common sense issues, such as being flexible and structuring daily care wisely by limiting choices and scheduling extra time. All of this information is useful however it is very general information. So, let's get to the nitty gritty, how to use practical tips in daily care giving. First off you need to know that these tips are Care Giver Centered. That means I'm talking to the primary care giver, caring for a person with Alzheimer's or dementia. So, you start your typical day and then guess what? Your loved one isn't responding or cooperating like they typically do. RULE 1: Don't assume that every day will be the same or "normal". Having the mind set that each day is a gift; unwrap each day as if you don't know what's inside. What I mean by this is always be ready to expect the unexpected. A routine or food item that has been part of your loved one's daily routine may just one day no longer work. So you have to have the mind set to say OK, we'll give it up or not use it. Really this is no big deal, so don't argue with your loved one or say, "But you always have oatmeal every morning." That may have been true up until today, so are you, the care giver ready to change your daily oatmeal making routine? If you're not, you better get there and fast. Remember you have to be flexible. RULE 2: Have a sense of humor and share the humor. Call a friend or relative and share the story of "No Oatmeal Today". Can you imagine after 30 years of eating a bowl of oatmeal every morning, today he wanted an egg! Look for the surprise of the moment and share that. I might even go as far as making a Sign for the refrigerator door, declaring October 13th, 2009 as "No More Oatmeal Day." If you can embrace sudden changes or erratic behaviors as part of the Alzheimer's journey, you may discover that you get to participate in an adventure that has rewards, that it can be fun or at least interesting. RULE 3: Change your expectations, as life has forced you to travel a different road. When you care for a spouse or loved one with Alzheimer's you may also experience grieving. First of all, it's ok to grieve for the loss of the relationship you used to have with your spouse or parent. But expecting them to remember your shared history and defining moments, can not only increase hurt it can be unrealistic. When talking with your loved one about a fond memory, state it as your memory. Don't ask if they remember it, because if they don't (and they probably won't) they'll only feel bad. It's really not important that you share a specific memory it's more important that your loved one knows that you are a person that cares about them right now. In Alzheimer's and dementia trainings I typically hear a spouse or adult child state, "I just can't understand that he/she doesn't remember my name." Emotionally, this can be difficult, however try to focus on interactions that deal with the moment of now. Being in the present moment is sometimes the only experience that you can have, so be grateful for what is instead of focusing on what it's not. If your loved one can't remember your name, here's a tip that has worked for me. I'll ask, "Who do you think I am?" If they think I'm their sister, Aunt Mildred, that's fine, chances are they won't remember this either in another 10 minutes or another hour. Asking the question "Who do you think I am?" does two things: 1. It gives us a window into what our loved one is thinking and/or experiencing. 2. It gives us an opportunity for acceptance. If they think I'm Aunt Mildred, I usually answer "Ok." I'm not stating a fact that I am or am not Aunt Mildred, I'm just acknowledging the fact that I understand that this is who you think I am, currently. If Aunt Mildred was a nurturing or influential person in your loved one's life, then it's ok to let them enjoy their "Aunt Mildred" experience. Insodoing, you're contributing positively to their quality of life. RULE 4: Take a break, it's not only ok, it's essential to your well being. Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's or dementia can be stressful and isolating. If you stop activities that used to give you joy, relaxation, or socialization resentment can build. In today's economic environment people are cutting back. However, cutting yourself off, is not a healthy option. "But I feel guilty" . . . "He's only used to me" . . . "I couldn't possibly". . . "He's my husband, my love, my life, my responsibility". . . I've heard all the excuses and they're all "stinkin' thinkin'." Taking a respite break is good physically and emotionally and a great way to fight off depression, resentment and isolation. But I feel guilty. . . Do it anyway, after awhile you won't feel guilty you'll be glad you cared enough about yourself to schedule me time. He's only used to me. . And he won't be used to anyone else if you never leave. So plan ahead, schedule respite care and then see what happens I couldn't possibly. . This type of thinking robs you of any new possibilities He's my husband. . . And he will still be all those things, even when you take He's my love. . . a break. Getting respite allows you, the care giver to re- He's my life. . . charge and re-energize. Isn't your husband, your love, He's my responsibility. . . worth having a rested and refreshed care provider? I hope these Basic 4 care giving tips help you and your loved one to have a good day, everyday. |
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